Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
