this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
