She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
