no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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