i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I will be naked everywhere
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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