I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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