Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
