I swear she didn't look like that last week.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
