I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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