Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize