im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
