I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
