What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
