i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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