he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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