She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
