Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
there is puke in my bra ... again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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