super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
