Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
