He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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