There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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