I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
