Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
