we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize