It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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