And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
