I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
