so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
