I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
