Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
