he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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