Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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