I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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