I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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