Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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