i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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