she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
