I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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