i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They have beer where we have blood.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
