Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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