why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
