new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
