It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
