Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
