Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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