I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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