Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
