Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You made out with two different species that night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
