Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
