I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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