i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
