coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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