fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
