I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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