dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize