dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
