I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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