But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
