I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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