if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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