The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
