let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
