Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
