The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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