I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
