Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
