I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
