I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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