The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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