Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
