You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize