Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I stole a fireplace last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
