Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
