I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you win again, gameday.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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