Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
