____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
