I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
