If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
